Saturday, March 31, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
9:49 PM
If I were to have
balls, I think my balls would be jumping for joy now. But I'll stick to
boobs. No, I'm not saying that I'm feeling dirty or high. Can't you bloody read in between lines? I'm jovial today. Well everyday, but I've never been jumping so excitedly to make an entry today. I caught myself smiling with no reason in short time intervals.
I feel a sense of celebration in myself that I feel so light-hearted and easy mind. I'm feeling so over the moon about today's date with the boyfriend. The regular ones, enjoyed a regular sized
Coffee Bean Belgian Chocolate and White Chocolate Dream at Expo with Blueberry Delight, and
Roti Boyan @ Tampines Int. I think I've been missing him lots. Not just him, but the kind of connection that we used to have. Why I said "used to have" is because the connection disappeared for a period recently. But now I know the cause of it, I settled it and we're back to normal. I want him, his heart and his soul. I came to a decision and asked question for myself.
I can feel that connection back again, and it's stronger than ever. I guess obstacles make you stronger. Every obstacle you and your partner manage to go through makes the love grow stronger. Had heart to heart talk with him today. He said so many things that made me realised that I wasn't alone feeling what I've been feeling. We share the same thots. I agree with you B, that I feel that this is special. Maybe this could be true love? Well I don't know until I'm proven right. Now, all I know is that I'm enjoying every single bit. I've never been more glad than this. We're changing for the better, we will worker together for a bright future. I just wanna let you know that I've been treasuring every moment with you.
Distance does makes the heart grow fonder. I shall be your Guardian Angel for as long as I can. I'll never let you fall, but stand up with you forever.
Remember, pull my strings just for a thrill, even if it turns my skies to grey.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
6:18 AM
It's the state of the mind where one is in grief and just fear to face up with the reality, thinking that she could accept facts and forgive forget it all.
In the right mind and a human with logical thinking and a heart, I vow to always forgive. I know I want it for myself, forgiveness in all the mistakes that I've wrongdone to others, thus, I want to forgive others.
Figured out the whole truth about it all today. I did lots of mind blogging and heart tampering questions I made myself face. I admit, I've been mean and unkind lately, with me becoming a total different person. I realised that Boyfriend. I know I just couldn't answer why I do such a thing to you when I say that I heart you. It's like something that I couldn't control or change, like as if it happens all beyond my will.
My heart is just so hurt and depressed by the actions and hurtful things that I've done. I'm a forgiver, but now I know, I do it the wrong way. As when I face something devastating, I tend to just pretend it never happen and I just look away. I say I've forgiven the sinner. I didn't realised I was doing that till today. Now I know, the reason why I was being mean and heartless to you B, is because I pretend to be all fine, but actually, I was just ignoring it, instead of looking at it, and really forgive you and forgetting it. I claimed I was being suspicious when I being revengeful without my own consent. Thus, whatever my wrongdoings were, it was a revenge. But I know now my real problem, I know now how to solve it all. I just depressed beyond words.
But I shall always keep this in mind:
"If God could forgive sinners, why can't we?".
Saturday, March 24, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
3:24 PM
Fell in love in reading since I was young, there won't be a time you see me not caught up in the book if I'm not studying, with dear Boyfriend or busy with games, music and family. One particular interesting book I came across in the library,
The ABCs of LOVE; Sarah Salway.
I picked up some phrases of the best word that represents each alphabet and has some truth and agreement for me. It's just what I too feel about
LOVE.Attitude".... strange thing I have noticed is that when people in the media get together, the only thing they talk is about what they are going to go & not what they do do. It makes me dull for enjoying my job cause there is absolutely nothing else I can imagine myself doing."
Blood"It used to be a craze at school to stratch the initials of your boyfriend into your arm with a compass and squeeze the skin until the blood came up before rubbing it over with ink to make it tattoo for life. It was Sally's idea to mix blood drops of blood together so that we are sisters now and nothing could seperate us, not even a boy."
Codes"... I fpeopl ecan' tunderstan dyo u, t he yten dt omak eyo univisibl e."
Read in between the lines. You'll understand the sentence.
Dreams"Sally once went out with a man who liked to record her dreams in a diary. She break off with him as she was too exhausted having to stay awake all night trying to think of interesting things for him to write about."
Endings"... you sit with unopened book on your lap waiting to meet the main character with that sense of anticipation you get on blind dates. And there's a moment - normally just halfway through - when your heart grows too big for your body as all these dreadful things are happening in the book and there's nothing you can do to stop them. But when you get to the last words, you can't believe it. It's as if they've shut the door and left you unwanted."
"... no one could expect to live happily ever after. It just didn't happen. There are no happy endings..."
Fat Women"... have you noticed how difficult it is to see a fat woman and a small, thin man together and not think of them having violent, needy, and possibly perverted sex?"
Grief"... Some mornings I was up and I know I've been crying in my sleep, but I just can't get the tears out. That's when you think you're drowning. You're not sharp or square. Just an empty outline filled to the brim with lukewarm water that numbs everything inside you. You're too full to take anything in and too blocked to let anything out. Everything else is just sadness, and seeing a funny dog can make you better."
Horoscopes"... but I bet it's Sagittarius. I have never trusted Sagittarians. They are too popular."
Illness"... your mum was so beautiful. I never knew what she saw in me. Even now, everytime she goes out of the door, I think she won't bother to come back. She was always seemed so precious. I was scared to touch her, you know. Scared I'd break her or something."
"... he touch her hand, and I saw that he still saw her as precious, was still worried he might lose her. Then one day I looked at my parents' hands together, and it seemed Mum had already died. Her hand looked like a marble effigy next to his."
"... Dad has passed away. He'd just given up the fight. But I knew he'd died of a broken heart."
Jacuzzi"... falling in love surrounded by shiny bubbles. Plus, when you've just swum yourself into a trance, you leave the rest of the world behind you."
Kisses"... I wanted to rub my skin against my grandmother's forever. She smelled of lavender and dried rosebubs and those thin tubes of Parma Violet sweets. I read a book called Freddy's Little Sister and was all about a boy who was forced to beg on the streets because his parents had died. He needed food to look after his little sister, who was all he had in the world, but no one gave him any money and everyone was horrible. ...Freddy little sister died."
Lesbians"... Colin lives in hope of walking in and finding Sally and me in a delicate situation together. It is his deepest fantasy. I'm so grateful that John understands friendship for what it is and is not always trying to turn it to his advantage."
Mustache"... rested all his fingertips over my upper lip. "I love your mustache," he said. I felt myself do tense, especially when he leaned forward and dolloped out little butterfly kisses all over my face. Was he joking? If only men would realize that this is all women need. To be desired without boundaries, to be loved for all the things we have got wrong with us, not for what we would like to be."
Nostrils"Sophia found me crying in the ladies' room at work, one of the last people I pick to see me at my worst. It's her nostrils. It's as if she's put two fingers up her nose and turned it inside out. "It won't be the last time it happens, " she said. "And every time it does, you will think this is really the end, that this time you'll never get back with each other, and your heart will break again and again until you don't think you can bear it anymore. But I promise you that you've a long, hard journey ahead. You won't be able to leave each other alone, and it will hurt just as much each time one of you decides that you must part."
"... I know about pain indexes. And men. He won't be worth it. They never are."
Orphans"... he wants to protect me so carefully that no harm will ever happen to me. This is why I have to do what he says, to be what he wants. Everyone needs someone to look after them."
Pain Index"... when we speak on the telephone now, I have a second conversation - the things I really want to know - going on my mind. This makes it difficult to talk, so when I do eventually say what I want to say, it comes out too quickly and harsly and I start crying."
"... he can't bear it. He just wants things back to being as they were. He says I need to find a way round this."
the Queen"John thinks I wear black lace underwear every day. He says it's such a change from Kate, who makes no effort. "It's important," I tell him, "not to take anything for granted."
Railway Stations"... a couple got on just when the train doors are shutting. They sat back at first, puffed out from running and giggling, but then they started to kiss. She stood up, and he guided her by the hips to sit on his lap. Eventually they went out into the corridor and lost sight of them. When the train cane to my station, I left by their corridor because I wanted to catch a sight of them. They were pinned up against the train door, wrapped in their coats, and moving slowly and gently that it seemed they were in a dream."
"The next day at the station, just as John went to shake my hand, I pulled him to me and kissed him properly. When I got on my train and took my seat, I hoped everyone in the carriage had been watching."
Sculpture"... what color was the model's wig and how I'd never really asked John whether he preferred blondes or brunettes."
True Romance"... loved her almost obsessively and they had one of those particularly close relationships you're not supposed to get with couples who don't have children. The architect beg the woman to leave the husband and move in with him, but she refused. The real love in the story was between the husband and wife."
Underwear"... purple silk with silver ribbon woven through the edges. Sally said we look like strippers."
"... both wearing that sort of lingerie that makes you long to be run over by a bus so you can make the ambulance man's day."
Voyeur"... looked up and saw a man standing in the doorway watching me through the mirror. He wasn't attractive but he was watching me with such intensity that I felt we'd both been caught doing something far too intimate. He was just staring at me, running his fingers round his shirt collar, when our eyes locked, and my whole body turned to liquid. I don't know how long we stood there; we couldn't seem to look away. But suddenly I froze, shut my eyes, and when I looked up, he'd gone."
Weight"I want to be strong so that no one can push me around ever again. I want to weigh myself down so my feet stay on the ground. I want to become such a presence that everyone can see me. I don't ever want to become invisible. Most of all, I want to matter."
X-ray Vision"... I am peculiarly sensitive to what people are really thinking. Gifts like this have to be used responsibly. Not everyone wants someone else looking inside their brain."
Youth"... it proves that some men are just genetically programmed to be jerks."
Zzzz"Love's not like a roller coaster because of the ups and downs. It is more because you queue up for hours to get on the ride, then you are strapped in, so you can't get out even when when you're about third of the way through and realize you've changed your mind. There's nothing you can do, you've just got to carry on until the end, and even then, you've got to wait until someone else releases you and says you can go. And once you're safely back on solid ground, you're rushing off to join the next queue."
Such a quirky way of getting at the heart of love using the twenty-six letters of the alphabet!
Friday, March 23, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
6:10 PM
Results are definately out. I'm definately not happy in addition to the fear of my insecurities about the future of my education which means my future. I have always be so happy to not have even a D in the cert, but now, I have a D+ in one of my modules. Fuck up damn shitto. Now I'm worried if I can't get into Arts and So Sci. Great. I just have to pray for it and work harder. Meanwhile, timetable's out, I'm with Sheera in all the classes. Attachment will come later, which means I have to do very well in FYP and attachment.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
9:34 PM
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
10:14 PM
Guitarist and Bassist day today. Sheesh. It's been real long I've been yearning for that. Sheera and Me gave Popeye's @ Airport a visit today, also for her to tell me what she's been wanting to let me know. That girl is now back to where she started. She seems happy at it. I'm glad for you girl. At least you seems happier, and much yourself now. I just wish that everything turned out good for you. After much feasting, sat at viewing mall T1 and T2. Landed at Tampines Mall for a walk where I shopped little at 77th Street then headed home. It was fun.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
11:39 PM
Softly I'm trembling tonight. Picture perfect's fading, my heart's took its bite. Love is a cat and mouse game. Never been more true than what I'm feeling now. So broken, so tired, so down. I'm in my lowest point. I'm beaten.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
10:12 PM
16 March 2007.
Had tons of ideas to celebrate our anniversary. But we decide to stick to a very simple celebration. We're more of a small detail people. Big details are celebrated like small details, only with addition of something different that usual. Nothing fancy but the fairytail movie Happy Never After was awesome. Something we thought would be of average, but it took our hearts away when it was better than expected. A total twist to typical-follow-the-book movie. Our biggest plan, photo card.
Us being a total Virgin at it took our first photo card. It was in Jap, so we had fun clicking away. Selected 6 favourite shots and now the huge card is mine!
Planned for
Borders Starbucks as the sun sinks, but the place was jammed with coffee-lovers like us, so we headed home instead. He was sick but being so sweet, he still decides to head on with the celebration.
Today.Continued with our celebration at Starbucks! Our official cake was the Chocolate something cake plus Caramel Frap for me and Iced Latte for him! Died down within the home-like armchairs and atmosphere, which I presented to him a gift that cramped my head. I personally heart the Old Parchment. How about you B? Precious hours together before heading home. It was sure a huge celebration to me!
Knowing that you were unwell, plus your tighted schedule with BMT, I appreciate it all that you've done for me. For who you are, I love you.
Memories of the celebration are expressed in
photos, but experiences can't be shown.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
11:07 PM
EC should now stand for Enchanted Chamber. It sound fairytail-ish but it's kind of nice. Picnic cum BBQ for us today at East Coast. Wide spread of food, plus my-ever-know disposable BBQ set. There were marinated Chicken, hotdogs plus rice. Not forgetting marshmellows. It's kind of a birthday bash for Hasli, but it's nothing fancy. His birthday was yesterday, so we thought why not prank him right? Reached at 1530 and headed back at 2130. It was sure fun. Rain or shine, we shall BBQ!
View the album!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
8:28 AM
It seems a year ago.. But now it's past. We've become 1 today. And today shall reminiscene everything that has happened in this short, but challenging twelve months of ours. I'm glad till today we're still together, rocking and still brand new. For all the things I made you sad, angry and guilty, sincere apologies from me Dear Boyfriend. The sweets shall remain in the heart while the bads shall be let lose. And for all the patience and tolerance that you had toward me, I appreciate. The small things that you did for me are the things that make me fall head over heels for you. Good things come in small sizes don't you think? But truth is, I love the way you already are. The good and the bad, I shall stay. But promise me, while I'm still here, don't forget your dreams and achieve them with me.
Pull my strings just for the trill even if my skies turn to grey.I make sure I won't stay mad as long as I have the will. Remember what I told you before? I rather you vent all your anger you have at me than risk you getting into any trouble, or hurting yourself.
For who you are Nizam, I love you loads.
Happy 1st Anniversary .NizamB.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
11:55 PM
It's call,
"Try the new thing day today" for me! Headed to IKEA @ Tampines for the first time today with Fidah and Sheera and we did some different shopping spree today. Not the clothes kind. But the home ones. I bought plenty of things including soft toys and rattan basket which of a good bargain! We got some aroma therapy candles and candle holder and Fid coz herself her first cactus! Haha! The IKEA was huge and nice so we did much of camwhoring. Typical issint it eh? Headed to LJ and tried the All-Seafood stuffs then they headed back.
BC to IKEA! While I, tried my ever-first recording today! Not the kind that U make your own album, although I can if I want to. But the kind that they steal your beautiful voice to make some Listening Comprehension back in secondary school. It was in Malay, so I have to brush up my Malay traditions I guess! This shall be my part time job then!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
5:17 PM
Went to Sheng Siong with my mum today for some groceries shopping and I found live eels and turtle! My goodness.. Didn't know they bring such delight! Haha..
Then met the dear boyfriend to exchange back our things..
Friday, March 02, 2007
I ♥ Squadron
10:01 PM
This time, it's the Friday that he booked out! So we headed to Causeway Point all the way at Woodlands, which is like travelling from one end of the country to another, but the journey was a fast ride, so it wasn't much of a hassel for either of us. But before we start our journey, dear Boyfriend has a craving from Nasi Lemak. So I brought it from home (mama's cooking) in hope to wipe out his cravings! He seems to be having lotsa cravings! Hotdogs, KFC, Nasi Lemak, Nasi Sambal Goreng, Bagels, SuperRing, GreenTea and AloeVera.. Sheesh. He's in Tekong, thus food there are restricted. So it's understood. Feasted at the void deck of some block at 700plus, then headed to Woodlands by 168 just to get Waffles! Cheese and chocolates! Headed to Pasir Ris to get portable speakers for him at Challenger then had some time together. Sent back in a cab before resting till time! Had a great time!!
We wanna be crazy forever!
