.: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds :.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

I ♥ Squadron 1:15 AM

I don't know I'm feeling so down. Like the sudden happiness I had for the whole day just vanished suddenly. Like I've lost someone totally and now It's for real. Like as if my life has turned upside down. The last time I felt this was when my grandma passed away. That night, I cried for no reason. In the morning then I received the news that she has departed. Isn't that scary? Well, yeah. But I feel like I'm always connected to everyone I know. Like my mind n soul could feel theirs. I don't know what's wonrg with me, what's bothering me so much that I m suddenly in a dowmpour. Maybe I can't take it any longer. I've had enough of being a slave that was never cherished. I'm so reaking angry, sad, depressed, confused.. Ohh plss.. Hope U help me..

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I ♥ Squadron 12:16 AM

I'm a total failure. Failure not academically, not financial, but personally. I am so ashamed of myself, and I can't believe I'm admitting that I'm related mind, body and soul. I've given up hope. Hope in finding the other half of me. It takes two to make it right. Although I don't believe in that, but I think I will find more happiness when I love someone. I got myself deeply for a person, and I think he doesn't love me back. That's saddening. 2 guys deeply in for me, I never love them back. But I don't know me for now, what I want, who I really am. I don't know how far I'll go for a person yet. I know I'll die if that makes that person alive. I'll do anything just to make him happy. But now, I'm lost. In this world they call 'love'. Where the charminig prince hold on thightly to their beautiful princesses. I see couples everywhere am I become hurt. I've tried giving the guy a chance to prove his sincerity but his avoidance to me proves that he isn't interested anymore. It's not that I won't love him, but I don't know if I can love him for my heart belongs to some other. Like Mel said," Will her scared mind be free of fear? Will she ever be happy with that wrecker?". That suits me good. That's my song. Paranoia, the lyrics written about my love life, failure and never going anywhere. I'm not much worrying of marriage as I'm not that ready. But I wanna know how it really feels to have my other one. Goodness, I don't know what to do. I'm hurt, real hurt. The cut is getting bigger and bigger. The more I love someone, the longer the scar will grow. It always end the same. Me hurt, everytime.

"Should have never started, ain’t that the way it always ends?On my life I'll try today, there’s so much I've felt I should say, but.Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain."

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I ♥ Squadron 9:07 AM

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are,
I had to find you, tell you I need ya,
And tell you I set you apart,
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start,
Running in circles, coming in tails,
Heads on a science apart,

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part,
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard,
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart,
Questions of science, science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart,
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me,
Oh and I rush to the start,
Running in circles, chasing tails,
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part,
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard,
I'm going back to the start

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I ♥ Squadron 10:41 PM

Happy New Year to all. IT's already the 04th day afta the new year commences.. To me, it's like any normal day.. But this year, I celebrated it openly.. I released my 2005 unhappiness and kept the memories of it at heart. The year I declare the weirdest and craziest ride I'm ever rode upon. Obviously, at the stroke of midnite, I let loose of it one by one. I celebrated it at Changi Beach with my family.. We had a beach outing for 2 days and we spent the new year's morning there. Fidah and Sheera came over to celebrate the festival with me. We hung by the coast on the covered sand, and we studied the stars. We had fun girl talks and crappiness that has yet to come. It was weird when we discovered that there were 3 starts align in straight rows, parallel to each of us. As if we're the stars at that point. Must have meant something. And when Fidah and Sheera left, there was only one star remaining, I concluded that it must have been me. Well, maybe and who knows. As for me, my new year's resolution? Well, I haven't thought about it yet. I don't plan it, it comes like that. Maybe as usual: Be a better person that can help those 3 hoodies I know whom are haunting me every second. Be a better daughter, sister, aunty, friend and Muslimah. And my studies: Do even better! Muahaha! I'm glad that I have a seat in education at least. I still remember at this point of time last year, a total big difference! I had soo much to think over that wide spread of time! Cool schmool eh?! And anotha guy is haunting my heart down. Seems he confessed and I'm confused. Waiting for that fella whom is close to my 'dream fella'.. But that real one is slow.. And that confessed out guy is waiting.. And anotha one will be set loose in less than 2 months.. It's freaking me out coz the bus I take everyday passes by his house.. And it seems that he takes 72 quite often! HolySchmoly! I'm just imagining the time when I bump into him in the bus! What a ride! Wee... Alritey, back to reliality. Hope it'll be a smooth journey for me no matter how tough it will be! HAPPY NEW YEAR AHEAD!