Plunges right through you
Like an arrow to a target
Tears that were long due
Suddenly engulf it
How could I steal your heart
And simply made it shatter
There's nothing left I can do
Just stay away from this dagger
I'm sorry for the pain I've made
To you who has been so nice
Actions are better than words said
It's with you that my heart lies
It hurts to let you slip
But why are you still with me?
The girl that doesn't know how to keep
Your fragile heart deep within
Why you still here when I've stabbed you deep?
My heart beats for you Nizam
I really love you deeply
Your presence makes me feel warm
I know you love me wholeheartedly
Imperfections. I ♥ Squadron
8:15 AM
That's right. Imperfection. It may just be the title, but there was a reason why I personally pick imperfections as my title. That's totally me. The one that appears real perfect on those naked eyes.. But truely the last one for you to pay attention to, actually. I have my mean, bad sides. And honestly, I should really just keep hush about it, like what I've been doing. Which makes me do real fine. I know no one can take my behavior, so I should definately stop dreaming about my fantasies. What happened last night has really make it clear for me. For what I've been thinking, I got my answers last night.
Swollen eyes for today paid for yesterday's mischeive. Maybe I'm right. That I make a good friend, but never a girlfriend-material. Maybe yea, that's why I run away everytime someones wants to get to know me better. Maybe that's why I never was able to get the guy I like. That I make a bad lover. Honestly, whatever has happened, happened because of me. Failure to understand, failure to commit, failure to be sincere, failure to be a true soft-hearted lady.
I do have my weakness, I do cry, but I know that I've always tried to be strong. I know I'm fine, eventhought I may have cried hours the previous day. I just suit to be my own self.
Why is it that I always make him hurt? Why is it that I disappoint him always? just what is totaly wrong with me? I know I love him deep, but why am I being like this? I don't know. Maybe the answer is: I'm mean. And I should really stay away from people I love before I make things worst. I'll just try harder.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
7:11 AM
Body language is all that is matters the most when you're upfront with people. You may have a fierce tone of voice, but if you're body language is laid back, will give the person a different impression. Came across this video today. The art of body language. Hilarious!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
7:03 AM
National Service. Found out today that my dear Boyfriend will be service the country comes 9 December. A week before my birthday and a day after our 9 months together. Sigh. Well, proud that he's stepping to the next level in life, and not wasting any more time. He's much eager and happy that he's joining the army. I'm pretty sure he'll fit fine plus he badly wants to gain his dream body. Maybe that'll be the perfect timing for me to get my dream figure too. Sheesh. It'll be like acompetition between him and me. Only mine is without an instructor. Hehe. Will be servicing I think for about 1 1/2 years. It won't be long.. It's just matters of the numbers. Hope things stay the same as and how it is.
Friday, October 13, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
11:15 PM
Finally I had a long bs ride again after such a long time. Well, it wasn't that long actually. The fact that my journey to school is actually long, I've kind of get used to long rides and sometimes even enjoying it! Headed down to Jurong with mom and Darwisy riding 506, to break fast with Cik Bakyah's family. Darwisy was of course a little restless after having to sit for quite long, plus excited that he's out of home. There was Abg Udin, Wak Pin and Wak Kosot too plus my whole family and that sums up to 12 mouths to feed. Since Cik Bakyah's birthday was the next day, my mom decides to just do a little something to celebrate. The cake was nice, but it was creamy, so it wasn't to my taste. Me and mom headed to the nearby Bazaar after putting Darwisy to sleep. Feel in love with this black kebaya, which costs $69. Had my size, but the unfortunate thing was, the material is not skin-friendly. It was poking my body, and the dress wasn't properly tailored. Now, I have to head down to Geylang again to find that ever-tough Kebaya.. Which I don't actually mind. But now, school is starting on Monday, time is limited for me. Sigh. Where can I get a decent black Kebaya?
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Laughter behind tears.. I ♥ Squadron
10:26 PM
We've finally decided to meet up. The EC gang that is actually one member missing today. Well, we settled in without Siti, as she said that her boyfriend is planning to celebrate her birthday with her on the same day. Since we already brought forward the meeting to Thurs due to her, she finally decides to ditch us and be totally emotional about us going ahead with the plan without her. Well girl, you were the one who said that you're cool with us going ahead without her. Plus, this is the only week and day we're free. 2 of us are starting school next week and Syawal is in less than 2 weeks.
Anyway, did a white lie and we dine in at Spize. Located at Simpang Bedok. With me and Nurul being the only two girls, we are of course, given much priority. The guys were pretty much 'bouncers' for both of us. They've been protective eversince we got to know them. That's good thing. Anyways, had a mini celebration with the cutting of Orea Romeo Cheesecake from McCafe for Mr Farhan and shared the ever small slice of the cake within 5. Headed down to somewhere calm and played Truth game. Got to find out the Mr Farhan has been keeping a one half years of secret that he's attached. Thank you very much Farhan. We're all left in the dark alley. Got to know few secrets and ended the night with me sharing cab with Nurul as it was getting late.
Nizam's mother has been hospitalized today around 5pm. Felt a guilty and disappointed in myself as I was having so much fun, while he was feeling down and worried. She's in SGH due to an asthma attack with high blood pressure which has subside later when she was being observed. Thank God for that. I hope the Boyfriend would be fine. Maybe I should visit him for awhile tomorrow. I know how it feels to have someone you care the most to be sick and hospitalised..
I'll pray that your mom gets well soon, Nizam. Insyallah.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
5:58 AM
Monday, October 09, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
6:05 AM
I have a lovely nephew. I heart, deep. He's already 18months old. And he's real smart and alert of his wonderful surruondings. He captures things fast and he's like the one who would really cheer me up, although he can be tempremental and demanding at times. He's just a kid!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
10:51 PM
It's 7 months that we've been together and much longer than 7 we've known each other. From the first time we talked, the late night phone call still exists and will exist always. There's so much for us to talk and have fun with each other's company.. I heart him most..
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Ikea I ♥ Squadron
4:47 AM
Me and my family went to Ikea today. The plan was to head to Ikea and then break fast at Geylang. But time was the main issue, so since we had proper transportation, Ikea was the best choice. Reached there around 8.20pm and spent the rest 120mins shopping in there. Got myself my very own study table, which I've been eyeing since I got my own room, which is like since mid last year. A study table which looks modern and is of a good bargain, although I know I don't have much cash to spare, $55 for a nice table to suit both computer and study purposes is good. Grab few other things like bed sheet, pans, glass bottles, toy box for Lil' Darwisy, my mother's favourite plants and few other necessary items for the upcoming festival.
Reached home around 2300 and then left home for mid-night supper at Spize located at Simpang Bedok.. Had my all-time favourite, Mediteranean Chicken plus Black Spider. I can say that Spize serves great food. Which comes in a wide variety at an afforable price.. Bought home Kebab for Sahur and spent the rest hour talking to the Boyfriend.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
I ♥ Squadron
1:21 AM
Me and the boyfriend decides to meet cause he had to take the MP4 Creative Vplus gift he pre-ordered for his sister at Plaza Singapura. Spent a moment at Times, where we had different mindsets. Settled fine and he met his brother, who works at Spotlight, for a while. Headed to Marina to break fast at Breeks but discovered that it was on full house. I panicked and he lost mood for a while. I being the 'kiasu' one decided to call my sis and cousin asking where can I find the nearest Swenses. Dine in there and had a feast! My Chocolate drink was awesome! Took a cab home and
had a fun of my time eventough it was barely 6 hours!!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Ramadhan I ♥ Squadron
9:59 PM
It's the month of October. And on this date some 6 years ago, I was happily celebrating Children's Day. For those kiddos whom have yet to understand life, Happy Children's Day.. Hehe
And it's the Ramadhan. My one many favourite months in the Islamic Calender, where Muslims fast from dawn till dusk. One thing that I look forward to everyday of Ramadhan is the family gathering. We get together and break fast together, where the food spread seems to be additionally scrumptious at this month. Such a Magical feeling. But without my grannie this time round, my family feels real different. And I, feel incomplete without her, especially without her around. On the first day of fast, I dreamt of her. I touched her cheecks, laughed with her and laid beside her and said "Kila sayang Nenek.." And I know I was crying in my dreams, and when I woke up, I was crying too..
In this month too, Me and the Boyfriend are holding tight not to meet each otha too often. Hehe.. For a good cause of course. Plus, it's been 7 months we're together. Although it feels longer than that. It may have seen such a short period, but we've been thru lotsa unimaginable things together. and we're deeply in love as ever..
