Thursday, December 29, 2005
I ♥ Squadron
11:55 PM
How can I forget one of the most important fast food outlet in my life?! POPEYES! That's the real word to fast food. The best one to me! Then followed by Macdonalds, BK, Long John, MaryBrown and KFC. Popeyes sells the best chicken and mash potatoes.. With scones and coleslaw and great carjun fries! Ohh yum! Although it's a lil more expensive than the normal ones, but it's like a good substitute to Kenny Rogers! In fact! It's like Kenny Rogers but I say better! Wahaha!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
I ♥ Squadron
2:21 AM
You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it. The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you. Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!
Well, everything's not quite roses and teddy bears for you, but you do tend to look on the bright side of life (we can hear those Monty Python boys whistling right now...). Sure, you sometimes bitch and moan about your problems (who doesn't?), but deep down you're pretty sure that everything will eventually turn out fine. When the weather man says it's going to be sunny, you leave your umbrella at home. In general, you like to be around people, and you try to make new friends when you can. You do your best to take things at face value, rather than making mountains out of molehills. Basically, the world is sort of like a big coconut to you: tough and hairy on the outside, but, when you get down into it, there's good stuff inside.
Who needs a fling when what you want is the whole fairytale: long walks on the beach, up-all-night conversations, and watching sunrises/sunsets in each other's arms. You're probably a picky dater who doesn't connect with just anyone. Sure a strong intellectual streak, loyalty, and a great sense of humor are terrific selling points. But if your dates can't savor romance like you do, it might be the perfect match you're dreaming of. You're hoping to find your other half, that one person who can finish your sentences, someone who really 'gets' your inner emotions. And until you find them, you probably don't mind flying solo every now and then. That's because deep down, you know that being with the wrong someone is just an obstacle to being with your one-and-only. So even as you're reading this and thinking about how to find them, know that somewhere out there, they're probably wondering the same about you. It's just a matter of time.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
I ♥ Squadron
1:55 AM
Well, I have finally turned 17 this year. Just an addition to this wonderful road trip I cheirsh, always. And from this, I reflected about what happened in 2005. December is the last month of every year, and every year has it's different road that I took. Once more, it has taught me many valuable lessons in life.
I lost a grandma, someone I love dearly. That has took her time to help me and take care of my and my sisters since we were young. That created the close bond that we have. I treasure her very much, till now, I still can't accept the fact that she's gone. It feels like she's still around, awaiting for my visits every week. Tears are all dried up, I cried lots this year.
My first year in poly has been a crazy journey. I didn't get into teaching nor Food science and Nutrition. I was 'pushed' into MIT. But now, I figured out that it isn't that bad afterall. I see that my doors are wider than before. I learnt many things thru that too.
I figured out the life of a working adult. That sucks, totally. I don't wish to work, I feel like schooling and schooling till I die. So I need a sponser now! Anybody? Well, it's tough life there. I earn my own money, I work for my own status. I can't imagine myself working full-time in future. Thinking about it just scares the shit outta me.
My family bonding has grown much stronger. I understand my sister more, and my parents. I think I've matured. So yeah, I value them more. And I have the feeling for a full-time mother too. Or maybe as a mother. It's tough job to bring up a single kid. Darwisy for example. Everyday I see my mother take care of him, I wonder, "How do I know what to do and when?". Maternal instincts I truly believed. After taking care of him at night, sleeping together, I know that if once thing goes wrong, like he falls outta bed, I automatically wake up. I even woke up at 4am to feed hom milk! Am I a mother of what? Even though I sleep like a log, I'm surprised that I was able to wake up. Gosh, that was a fun experiment. He's 8 months now, much clever that before. He's such an adorable kid that has become part of my life. I don't know what will happen if anything happens to him. Seeing him grow up just makes me happy. His laughter and smiles, times when he's throwing tanturms at me. Well, he's just seeking attention. Adorable isn't it? I wonder how otha mothers bring up twins or triplets? It'll be a wonderful journey, but it isn't easy either. Darwisy is a blessed kid.
I learnt that drug addicts aren't that bad afterall. A friend of mine, or shall I say my sister's proved it to me. He is now serving his sentence, and he's taking it slowly. I see that he does want to change afta he lost my sister's heart. Then he gotta know me and confessed that he has feelings for me. He told my sister to tell me the truth about him, and he'll take whatever reaction I have towards it. I was shocked, scared, confused all in the same time. He has destroyed his future. I don't wanna crush mine. But then, who knows if his future is entirely destroyed right? Nobody.
And my friends, I love them even more. They are the greatest company. Su and Mesh, expensive friendship I say. but without them, some things will be remained unknown. Siti, Nurul, Hasli, Fyzal and Farhan. Our 'EC' group still stands eventhough we're all in different directions. They are wonderful people too. I've grown closer with Hasli and Fyzal, the gay partners in crime. My Sheera and Fidah. Well, they brought me to places I've never travelled to! They made my poly life interesting. And I'm looking forward to more of those!
And not forgetting Rasyidi. One hell of a guy! We rode this rollercoaster ride together. And I know the tracks are neva ending. We've known each other for about 1 1/2 years now. He was the first person to tell me that I'm matured. I sound, behave and look more than a 17 does. He was the one who taught me to love my motha even more. Taught me to reach to the highes qualification I can and not spoil my future. He is one shy, independent, funny and wonderful guy. We shared many secrets together, he makes me feel even matured. He was the first guy I confessed up everything. Daredevil (which is his middle name) has been my middle name eversince I know him. I know eventhough he's real shy, I have a feeling that he feels the same way. I will wait for him eventhough how long it may take. Call me crazy. I know I'm here for a reason, that is to help him with life. My heart has fallen during it. Fallen for him.
That's a summary. For more information, ask Me! Wahaha! My birthday was a blast! I have like 4 celebrations, no 5! I think I'm getting more! Wahaha! I love my gifts! Thanks U guys!
-Rockstar Shakilah-
Thursday, December 15, 2005
I ♥ Squadron
10:45 PM
I came to face the most unimaginable thing for me. And I faced it and I dealt with it. I was the one to be honest about it all, and my friends said I shouldn't regret and feel real good about it. Although he didn't say anything, I m still waiting. Hope I somesort didn't freak him out although I think I already did. To be bothered than to keep a secret crush is what most people fear. I m a girl, a daring one I say. And it's the second time I opened up, well, I shall put it to the first one, coz the first one was just oh-u-cute-fella kinda thing. Outta my list. I just don't know what's my next step. Missing him much more than I did days ago.
And now I believe on what comes around, goes around. I pushed someone away bcoz he is in the rehab. Now the one I m holding partially crushed his future. But now I don't know how to love anyone else. :/
Friday, December 09, 2005
I ♥ Squadron
2:54 AM
And so the one I care a lot doesn't care about himself. With his already broken past, his future is like breaking into even smaller pieces. With no one I feel like helping him, I grow attached to him. I admire him, because of who he is. If he could just see me rite now, he'll get what I'm trying to say. I feel sorry for him that he doesn't get the love I get. That he doesn't eat what I get to eat. Not that he's poor, but there's nobody to look afta him but himself. He's already 24, so his dad and family finds that he's old enough to be matured and draw his own path. For what still keeps me thinking, is our friendship suppose to be of a meaning? Am I suppose to help him with life? Bcoz the way we get to know each other is not common. Kay maybe it is now. Everytime I think about it, I find that there is a meaning to my existance and his existance in my life. Maybe I am suppose to help him.. Like a friend. But Allah didn't gimme any signs. Or maybe what he did recently is the sign. Well, I don't know. And I'm truly crushed into bits now. I feel so hurt n useless coz I'm not really helping him. I cry every nite, and think about him everytime.
"High up above or down belowWhen you too in love to let it goIf you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worth
Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix you"
And so my last message to him during that nite:
pls lah asid.. I don't know how u get involved with it. It keeps me thinking n im not in peace. I don't want u to destroy urself. i reali care for u n u dnt care about yourself. I don't want anotha in da rehab.. ur reali making me scared 4 u.. stop it..
I asked my friend for help, she told me things.. And got me these, to open my eyes and react fast:Thanks girl.
Effects of HeroineHeroin, is an offshoot of morphine, a narcotic painkiller first extracted from the opium poppy in 1802. Heroin users face a serious risk of overdose. The rate of deaths from heroin overdose is currently on the rise. The drug tends to hamper the supply of fresh oxygen into the blood. The person may actually have a bluish tint to the skin, lips, fingernails and other body parts due to lack of oxygen-rich blood circulating thru the system.
Long terms effects of drug abuse include use include:
Addiction as well as extreme craving.
Risk of contracting AIDS or hepatitis from shared needles
Bronchitis, nasal ulcers and chronic cough.
Panic, appetite loss, restlessness, paranoia, depression, violent or aggressive behavior.
Harm to unborn babies. Use of drugs during pregnancy can cause miscarriages, stillbirths, or low-birth-weight babies.
