.: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds :.

Monday, November 13, 2006

I ♥ Squadron 1:23 AM

Sometimes, people are hard to please. Hard to understand them. They say that they want one thing, in the end, they show me that they want another instead of what they said they wanted. And that confuses me. The reason why I never go up and tell them that they are fickle, is because that I believe maybe it's me that whom can't seem to understand the person.

I don't know. Or maybe, I'm too soft-hearted that I don't have the heart to be angry and go on fuming at them. That's my weakness, and it has been taken as kindness many times, I refuse to remember exactly when.

Times when I am taking actions to change, suddenly has something to disrupt whatever that I'm actually trying to change, which in turn, brings my courage and believe that I can make things better to a halt, thus I give up. I know I don't give up in studies, but things such as trying to fit in, or trying to be the person people want me to be, I'll give up when situations hinders me back. It gets mistaken that I am not even bothering what is it that they want.

Right from the start, I'm hard to understand. And I believe until now, not even a soul can understand me. Things are unfair, and I shall let it remain. Bcoz for whatever I'll try to do, will make things even worse than any better. It's like, I'm a bad retribution, that I think, I am strongly believing in. I siriusli don't make a good long-term close friend. I refuse to have one either. There, I state the reason why I'm afraid to commit.

Afraid to turn down people, afraid to break their hearts, afraid to stand close or stay near to anybody. I can't believe I'm still stating and staying with this thought after the 8th chapter of our book.

It sirisuli hurts me when I hurt somebody. And especially when that somebody really loves me much more than anyone has ever had. It's a different feeling when you fight with your siblings or parents. It just makes me believe stronger than I'm doing more harm than good, eventhough I am harmless. And helpless for the record.

Maybe it's just me. That I make myself stuck in difficult situations, risking the feelings of others. Maybe the idea of me trying to feel love was really bad. I'm not saying love is disastrous. It's exceptionally beautiful, and I admit the one I am going through is beautiful. It's just that I'm a disaster to other people. That I don't fit it in. I keep on hurting him, and keep on regretting. I can't be understood, so don't even bother to understand me. Only I know what I'm like. How I'm like to be with.

I truli am apologising for whatever hurt and misery I've caused. May say I don't have the heart coz whatever I wanna say, I say it only here. Just really want to end this misery. Maybe I should start wishing a witch would come and take me away from people. Maybe I should just disappear.