.: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds :.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I ♥ Squadron 12:16 AM

I'm a total failure. Failure not academically, not financial, but personally. I am so ashamed of myself, and I can't believe I'm admitting that I'm related mind, body and soul. I've given up hope. Hope in finding the other half of me. It takes two to make it right. Although I don't believe in that, but I think I will find more happiness when I love someone. I got myself deeply for a person, and I think he doesn't love me back. That's saddening. 2 guys deeply in for me, I never love them back. But I don't know me for now, what I want, who I really am. I don't know how far I'll go for a person yet. I know I'll die if that makes that person alive. I'll do anything just to make him happy. But now, I'm lost. In this world they call 'love'. Where the charminig prince hold on thightly to their beautiful princesses. I see couples everywhere am I become hurt. I've tried giving the guy a chance to prove his sincerity but his avoidance to me proves that he isn't interested anymore. It's not that I won't love him, but I don't know if I can love him for my heart belongs to some other. Like Mel said," Will her scared mind be free of fear? Will she ever be happy with that wrecker?". That suits me good. That's my song. Paranoia, the lyrics written about my love life, failure and never going anywhere. I'm not much worrying of marriage as I'm not that ready. But I wanna know how it really feels to have my other one. Goodness, I don't know what to do. I'm hurt, real hurt. The cut is getting bigger and bigger. The more I love someone, the longer the scar will grow. It always end the same. Me hurt, everytime.

"Should have never started, ain’t that the way it always ends?On my life I'll try today, there’s so much I've felt I should say, but.Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain."