.: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds :.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

I ♥ Squadron 1:55 AM

Well, I have finally turned 17 this year. Just an addition to this wonderful road trip I cheirsh, always. And from this, I reflected about what happened in 2005. December is the last month of every year, and every year has it's different road that I took. Once more, it has taught me many valuable lessons in life.

I lost a grandma, someone I love dearly. That has took her time to help me and take care of my and my sisters since we were young. That created the close bond that we have. I treasure her very much, till now, I still can't accept the fact that she's gone. It feels like she's still around, awaiting for my visits every week. Tears are all dried up, I cried lots this year.

My first year in poly has been a crazy journey. I didn't get into teaching nor Food science and Nutrition. I was 'pushed' into MIT. But now, I figured out that it isn't that bad afterall. I see that my doors are wider than before. I learnt many things thru that too.

I figured out the life of a working adult. That sucks, totally. I don't wish to work, I feel like schooling and schooling till I die. So I need a sponser now! Anybody? Well, it's tough life there. I earn my own money, I work for my own status. I can't imagine myself working full-time in future. Thinking about it just scares the shit outta me.

My family bonding has grown much stronger. I understand my sister more, and my parents. I think I've matured. So yeah, I value them more. And I have the feeling for a full-time mother too. Or maybe as a mother. It's tough job to bring up a single kid. Darwisy for example. Everyday I see my mother take care of him, I wonder, "How do I know what to do and when?". Maternal instincts I truly believed. After taking care of him at night, sleeping together, I know that if once thing goes wrong, like he falls outta bed, I automatically wake up. I even woke up at 4am to feed hom milk! Am I a mother of what? Even though I sleep like a log, I'm surprised that I was able to wake up. Gosh, that was a fun experiment. He's 8 months now, much clever that before. He's such an adorable kid that has become part of my life. I don't know what will happen if anything happens to him. Seeing him grow up just makes me happy. His laughter and smiles, times when he's throwing tanturms at me. Well, he's just seeking attention. Adorable isn't it? I wonder how otha mothers bring up twins or triplets? It'll be a wonderful journey, but it isn't easy either. Darwisy is a blessed kid.

I learnt that drug addicts aren't that bad afterall. A friend of mine, or shall I say my sister's proved it to me. He is now serving his sentence, and he's taking it slowly. I see that he does want to change afta he lost my sister's heart. Then he gotta know me and confessed that he has feelings for me. He told my sister to tell me the truth about him, and he'll take whatever reaction I have towards it. I was shocked, scared, confused all in the same time. He has destroyed his future. I don't wanna crush mine. But then, who knows if his future is entirely destroyed right? Nobody.

And my friends, I love them even more. They are the greatest company. Su and Mesh, expensive friendship I say. but without them, some things will be remained unknown. Siti, Nurul, Hasli, Fyzal and Farhan. Our 'EC' group still stands eventhough we're all in different directions. They are wonderful people too. I've grown closer with Hasli and Fyzal, the gay partners in crime. My Sheera and Fidah. Well, they brought me to places I've never travelled to! They made my poly life interesting. And I'm looking forward to more of those!

And not forgetting Rasyidi. One hell of a guy! We rode this rollercoaster ride together. And I know the tracks are neva ending. We've known each other for about 1 1/2 years now. He was the first person to tell me that I'm matured. I sound, behave and look more than a 17 does. He was the one who taught me to love my motha even more. Taught me to reach to the highes qualification I can and not spoil my future. He is one shy, independent, funny and wonderful guy. We shared many secrets together, he makes me feel even matured. He was the first guy I confessed up everything. Daredevil (which is his middle name) has been my middle name eversince I know him. I know eventhough he's real shy, I have a feeling that he feels the same way. I will wait for him eventhough how long it may take. Call me crazy. I know I'm here for a reason, that is to help him with life. My heart has fallen during it. Fallen for him.

That's a summary. For more information, ask Me! Wahaha! My birthday was a blast! I have like 4 celebrations, no 5! I think I'm getting more! Wahaha! I love my gifts! Thanks U guys!

-Rockstar Shakilah-